88 notes

SOS: Aces

lovelucid:

Hey guys, I’m starting up a blog (http://aceactual.wordpress.com/) on asexual people. The idea is to be somewhat in the vein of “Humans of New York,” but conduct slightly longer interviews or simply derive articles from interviews.

You don’t have to be specifically asexual. Everything is fluid and everything is valid.

I’d love to feature some of you! Please contact me on here and we can talk about it.

Filed under asexuality asexual

2 notes

pumpkinkinghale:

If you are asexual and demiromantic, does that mean you don’t want a sexuall relationship but can be in a romantic relationship with anyone no matter what gender they identify as? (I’m not trying to be rude or anything like that, I just want to make sure i use the right words. It’s for a writing thing.)

Demiromantic asexuals can still have gender preferences to who they’re romantically attracted to, and desire romantic relationships with. Some identify only as demiromantic for their romantic orientation. Others use another romantic orientation label showing what gender(s) they’re attracted to, and put the demi- prefix before it, or put the other prefix first.

Filed under asexual asexuality demiromantic

2 notes

sailorlock:

So I’ve crawled my way into a pickle I don’t know what to do. Nobody seems to take it seriously when I say I’m NOT interested in relationships. Like they think they can change my mind. I’m like… mad right now I needa talk to someone so I’m just gonna dump it here.

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That’s a frustrating situation you’re in. If you don’t want a relationship, you don’t want one. You don’t have to justify that to him. You could tell him that you sincerely want to be friends with him, but that you ‘agreed’ to the date only because you were drunk, which isn’t real agreement, because people aren’t themselves when drunk.

It’s a relief that he’s a decent guy, and respects what he told you, but I understand your frustration with this. He could be unaware that his invitation implies that you’ll change your mind. If that’s the case, it’d be good to tell him that. I hope that he’ll listen, and back off with pushing you into that date.

Filed under asexual asexuality

3 notes

significationary:

Someone come talk to me about being ace, I’m looking to be informed on differing personal experiences

There are a lot of people here willing to share their personal experiences about asexuality, including me, Do you have any questions in particular?

Filed under asexuality

171 notes

perksofbeingace:

Hey hey, this is one of the asexual pride wristbands I’ve made that I have up for sale in my Etsy shop. As an ace person myself, I noticed that well, we don’t really get a lot of representation, and of course we’re erased a lot of the time, so I figured I should make these because we deserve to wear our colours too and be happy in ourselves. There’s also a voucher that can get you $/€/£5 off the price, so you only have to pay a little bit for them (that’s why they’re 5.20, so that you can use the voucher and get them for cheap!) Also, I just wanted to say I think we have a hella pretty flag, I adore the colours :)

perksofbeingace:

Hey hey, this is one of the asexual pride wristbands I’ve made that I have up for sale in my Etsy shop. As an ace person myself, I noticed that well, we don’t really get a lot of representation, and of course we’re erased a lot of the time, so I figured I should make these because we deserve to wear our colours too and be happy in ourselves. There’s also a voucher that can get you $/€/£5 off the price, so you only have to pay a little bit for them (that’s why they’re 5.20, so that you can use the voucher and get them for cheap!) Also, I just wanted to say I think we have a hella pretty flag, I adore the colours :)

Filed under asexuality asexual pride

25 notes

Anonymous asked: Thank you for writing about the problems with the survey. I had the same issues with it. Because the only sexual experiences I've had were nonconsensual, I said no. It felt like my status as an ace survivor was being erased, that I was being made to lie. Lie about it being nonconsensual or lie about it happening at all. Survivors should never be put in that position. And aces deserve to know the truth about our stats, how much danger we're in. I hope the next survey learns from this.

godlessace:

aqua-ace:

queenieofaces:

Hey, anon.  I’m sorry to hear that the survey also affected you adversely.  I’ve gotten a lot of messages over the past few days from people who were triggered or otherwise hurt by the sexual history section of the survey, so you are not alone (although I suppose that sentiment may be more upsetting than comforting).  Also, if you don’t already know about it, you might find some of the resources over at resourcesforacesurvivors helpful.  (I’m also going to try to put an asexuality and sexual violence recommended reading list together sometime in the next few weeks.)

I think the most upsetting thing about all of this is that pretty much every other survey design problem that has come up has been a case of them not realizing how intersectionality might come into play or failing to define terms or forgetting that corner cases exist.  But they didn’t forget survivors existed—they knew we existed and explicitly designed the survey to exclude us.  Someone made a conscious decision to only allow people to talk about their consensual sexual experiences.  And when a major community survey like this says, whether explicitly or implicitly, “We don’t care enough about aces who have experienced sexual violence to acknowledge their existence,” that doesn’t bode well for the treatment of survivors in the community.

I’ll join you in hoping that the next survey does better.

Excuse me if this comes across as rude, but I don’t like being accused of deliberately ignoring asexual survivors of sexual violence. I don’t think anyone on the survey team intended to exclude them and their experiences, but it’s terrible knowing that the mistakes of the sexual history section had the consequences they did. What can the survey team do to account for survivors’ experiences next time?

Aqua, Queenie wrote a long post about it, and I’m given to understand she’s also corresponding with Cleander about it.  I’m sorry, I think this is rude, to demand she say more when she’s already said a lot.

I would say that it is true that the survey team made an explicit decision to not ask about nonconsensual experiences.  I would even say there are good reasons behind the decision, and also good reasons against it.  But that is neither here nor there.  I want to listen to what people have said about the survey, and not get defensive about it.

Right, I read that post, and I think I took some notes about it in one of my blog posts. I’m sorry that I got too hot-headed with my response. I just really didn’t like for any of us to be accused of deliberately throwing sexual violence survivors under the bus. There was no malicious intention behind the decisions made for that section of the survey. What bothered me the most was the suggestion that there was, or that’s what I read it as.

Filed under AVEN survey asexuality and sexual violence

25 notes

Anonymous asked: Thank you for writing about the problems with the survey. I had the same issues with it. Because the only sexual experiences I've had were nonconsensual, I said no. It felt like my status as an ace survivor was being erased, that I was being made to lie. Lie about it being nonconsensual or lie about it happening at all. Survivors should never be put in that position. And aces deserve to know the truth about our stats, how much danger we're in. I hope the next survey learns from this.

queenieofaces:

Hey, anon.  I’m sorry to hear that the survey also affected you adversely.  I’ve gotten a lot of messages over the past few days from people who were triggered or otherwise hurt by the sexual history section of the survey, so you are not alone (although I suppose that sentiment may be more upsetting than comforting).  Also, if you don’t already know about it, you might find some of the resources over at resourcesforacesurvivors helpful.  (I’m also going to try to put an asexuality and sexual violence recommended reading list together sometime in the next few weeks.)

I think the most upsetting thing about all of this is that pretty much every other survey design problem that has come up has been a case of them not realizing how intersectionality might come into play or failing to define terms or forgetting that corner cases exist.  But they didn’t forget survivors existed—they knew we existed and explicitly designed the survey to exclude us.  Someone made a conscious decision to only allow people to talk about their consensual sexual experiences.  And when a major community survey like this says, whether explicitly or implicitly, “We don’t care enough about aces who have experienced sexual violence to acknowledge their existence,” that doesn’t bode well for the treatment of survivors in the community.

I’ll join you in hoping that the next survey does better.

Excuse me if this comes across as rude, but I don’t like being accused of deliberately ignoring asexual survivors of sexual violence. I don’t think anyone on the survey team intended to exclude them and their experiences, but it’s terrible knowing that the mistakes of the sexual history section had the consequences they did. What can the survey team do to account for survivors’ experiences next time?

Filed under AVEN survey asexuality and sexual violence